Thursday, October 15, 2009

Series One Finalé Results!

Yes, the people have voted and decided Glenn Beck is who they want to 'Strand on Mars'. It was a bit of an upset, since Glenn had never received the most votes in any other round. In Round 2 he was even as far back as 4th place and just a couple weeks ago he had 28% fewer votes than leader Ann Coulter.

Because of Glenn's delicate nature, the rescue crew escorted Michael Vick, and Ann Coulter out of the base quietly in the middle of the night. When Glenn awoke he was informed by radio that he was alone, left behind on Mars. He began sobbing and clawing at the airlock door. He pleaded into the camera for another chance saying "he doesn't believe any of that stuff has says on his show; that all the seditious stuff comes from News Corp higher ups." While he babbled on, the rescue shuttle departed with his former fellow castaways: Reese Witherspoon, Levi Johnston, Joe Jonas, Rachel Ray, Miley Cyrus, Dr. Phil, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Michael Vick and Ann Coulter.

Some wonder whose punishment is worse Glenn Becks or the rest of us who will have to endure the returning cast offs.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Strand on Mars Probes Ann Coulter - ewww!

Ann Coulter on 'The View'

Ann Coulter is a right-wing media whore who makes outrageous (but not witty) statements for attention. She gets herself into the headlines by indirectly referring to Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a “faggot” and has called Al Gore a “total fag”. On March 5, 2007, she appeared on Hannity and Colmes and explained that “'faggot' isn’t offensive to gays, it has nothing to do with gays. It’s a schoolyard taunt meaning ‘wuss.’”

Other quotes from Ann "C". include:

  • "We should invade [Muslim] countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." (The National Review dropped her column over this.) She also refers to Muslims as "ragheads," “jihad monkeys," "tent merchants," and "camel jockeys." When confronted about such epithets, Coulter will often erroneously claim that she was being “funny.”
  • Coulter’s description of Today host Katie Couric as “the affable Eva Braun of morning television.”
  • “Want to make liberals angry? Defend the United States.”
  • “Never apologize to, compliment, or show graciousness to a Democrat.”
  • “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine.”
  • “We [Christians] just want Jews to be perfected.”
  • “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Three Left - It's the FINAL ROUND!

As much as it pains me, I have to announce that Elisabeth Hasselbeck has been saved this round. But I did learn that she receives the most hate mail and death threats than any of her co-hosts on The View. Hasselbeck broke down when she learned she had a place on the return ship. She had expected she'd be one of the first ones saved and her stress mounted each round as she remained.

That means only 2 sleep pods on the rescue ship are left and 3 cast off's remain.

Who will you 'Strand on Mars', Ann Coulter, Michael Vick or Glenn Beck?
Vote NOW --->

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Strand on Mars Probes Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Elisabeth Hasselbeck (née Filarski; born May 28, 1977) is a former reality show contestant—not even the winner, mind you, or even the runner-up—who somehow became co-host of one of the most popular daytime talk shows of all time. Though not especially well informed, Hasselbeck is, nonetheless, an irritatingly vocal supporter of conservative viewpoints.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Final Four

Dr. Phil manages to just squeak by and earn himself a place on the flight back home. The world will not have to do without his wisdom and advice. This leaves fake crying charlatan Glenn Beck, Bush loving FOXNews puppet Elisabeth Hasselbeck, dog killer Michael Vick and purveyor of hate for attention Ann Coulter as the final four.
There are only 3 spaces left on the shuttle home, it's up to you to decide (even if reluctantly) who is deserving of a second chance on Earth and who to 'Strand on Mars'.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Strand on Mars Probes Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck loves his country? Or simply exploiting peoples unease during hard times for his own personal gain?

Glenn Beck preparing and practicing for his 'heartfelt & spontaneous' on air sobbing.

Glenn Beck is a radio shock jock who once mocked, on air and on the phone with, the wife of a rival who recently miscarried, that her husband 'couldn't do anything right'. The sad little man, who admits he doesn't check facts, uses his commentary show on Fox'News' to mislead and rile up an angry mob. He claims the President hates 'white culture' and is a racist, and even Beck says, "if you take what I say as gospel, you're an idiot." This charlatan is just inciting hate and selling torches to the mob then will slither out of town to count his money.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

the final 5!

It's true, Hannah Montana is safe. Yes, I know, it's a disappointment to many but the world will not be saved from Miley Cyrus just yet. Only 10% of the voters picked Miley to be permanently marooned on Mars. Miley erupted with tears of joy and wails of "Daddy, Daddy your Miley is coming home!" then she sharply turned to Elisabeth and said, "in yo' face Hasselbeck!".

Cyrus, packed her belongings amid the trash, (the place has become a pig sty since Rachel Ray left) and headed off to her reward, a sleep pod in the rescue ship.

Only 5 are left! It's getting harder and harder to find redeeming qualities among those who remain and now you can only vote for 2 people you'd like to 'Strand on Mars'. Time to vote in round 6!

Here's the run down of who has been saved so far:
Round 1: Reese Witherspoon
Round 2: Levi Johnston
Round 3: Joe Jonas
Round 4: Rachel Ray
Round 5: Miley Cyrus
Round 6: ?
Round 7: ?
Final Round: ? and ?