Series One Finalé Results!

Yes, the people have voted and decided Glenn Beck is who they want to 'Strand on Mars'. It was a bit of an upset, since Glenn had never received the most votes in any other round. In Round 2 he was even as far back as 4th place and just a couple weeks ago he had 28% fewer votes than leader Ann Coulter.

Because of Glenn's delicate nature, the rescue crew escorted Michael Vick, and Ann Coulter out of the base quietly in the middle of the night. When Glenn awoke he was informed by radio that he was alone, left behind on Mars. He began sobbing and clawing at the airlock door. He pleaded into the camera for another chance saying "he doesn't believe any of that stuff has says on his show; that all the seditious stuff comes from News Corp higher ups." While he babbled on, the rescue shuttle departed with his former fellow castaways: Reese Witherspoon, Levi Johnston, Joe Jonas, Rachel Ray, Miley Cyrus, Dr. Phil, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Michael Vick and Ann Coulter.

Some wonder whose punishment is worse Glenn Becks or the rest of us who will have to endure the returning cast offs.

Strand on Mars Probes Ann Coulter - ewww!

Ann Coulter on 'The View'


Ann Coulter is a right-wing media whore who makes outrageous (but not witty) statements for attention. She gets herself into the headlines by indirectly referring to Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a “faggot” and has called Al Gore a “total fag”. On March 5, 2007, she appeared on Hannity and Colmes and explained that “'faggot' isn’t offensive to gays, it has nothing to do with gays. It’s a schoolyard taunt meaning ‘wuss.’”

Other quotes from Ann "C". include:

• "We should invade [Muslim] countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." (The National Review dropped her column over this.) She also refers to Muslims as "ragheads," “jihad monkeys," "tent merchants," and "camel jockeys." When confronted about such epithets, Coulter will often erroneously claim that she was being “funny.”
• Coulter’s description of Today host Katie Couric as “the affable Eva Braun of morning television.”
• “Want to make liberals angry? Defend the United States.”
• “Never apologize to, compliment, or show graciousness to a Democrat.”
• “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine.”
• “We [Christians] just want Jews to be perfected.”
• “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”

Three Left - It's the FINAL ROUND!

As much as it pains me, I have to announce that Elisabeth Hasselbeck has been saved this round. But I did learn that she receives the most hate mail and death threats than any of her co-hosts on The View. Hasselbeck broke down when she learned she had a place on the return ship. She had expected she'd be one of the first ones saved and her stress mounted each round as she remained.

That means only 2 sleep pods on the rescue ship are left and 3 cast off's remain.

THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND!
Who will you 'Strand on Mars', Ann Coulter, Michael Vick or Glenn Beck?
Vote NOW --->

Strand on Mars Probes Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Elisabeth Hasselbeck (née Filarski; born May 28, 1977) is a former reality show contestant—not even the winner, mind you, or even the runner-up—who somehow became co-host of one of the most popular daytime talk shows of all time. Though not especially well informed, Hasselbeck is, nonetheless, an irritatingly vocal supporter of conservative viewpoints.

The Final Four

Dr. Phil manages to just squeak by and earn himself a place on the flight back home. The world will not have to do without his wisdom and advice. This leaves fake crying charlatan Glenn Beck, Bush loving FOXNews puppet Elisabeth Hasselbeck, dog killer Michael Vick and purveyor of hate for attention Ann Coulter as the final four.
There are only 3 spaces left on the shuttle home, it's up to you to decide (even if reluctantly) who is deserving of a second chance on Earth and who to 'Strand on Mars'.
VOTE NOW --->

Strand on Mars Probes Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck loves his country? Or simply exploiting peoples unease during hard times for his own personal gain?

Glenn Beck preparing and practicing for his 'heartfelt & spontaneous' on air sobbing.

Glenn Beck is a radio shock jock who once mocked, on air and on the phone with, the wife of a rival who recently miscarried, that her husband 'couldn't do anything right'. The sad little man, who admits he doesn't check facts, uses his commentary show on Fox'News' to mislead and rile up an angry mob. He claims the President hates 'white culture' and is a racist, and even Beck says, "if you take what I say as gospel, you're an idiot." This charlatan is just inciting hate and selling torches to the mob then will slither out of town to count his money.

the final 5!

It's true, Hannah Montana is safe. Yes, I know, it's a disappointment to many but the world will not be saved from Miley Cyrus just yet. Only 10% of the voters picked Miley to be permanently marooned on Mars. Miley erupted with tears of joy and wails of "Daddy, Daddy your Miley is coming home!" then she sharply turned to Elisabeth and said, "in yo' face Hasselbeck!".

Cyrus, packed her belongings amid the trash, (the place has become a pig sty since Rachel Ray left) and headed off to her reward, a sleep pod in the rescue ship.

Only 5 are left! It's getting harder and harder to find redeeming qualities among those who remain and now you can only vote for 2 people you'd like to 'Strand on Mars'. Time to vote in round 6!

Here's the run down of who has been saved so far:
Round 1: Reese Witherspoon
Round 2: Levi Johnston
Round 3: Joe Jonas
Round 4: Rachel Ray
Round 5: Miley Cyrus
Round 6: ?
Round 7: ?
Final Round: ? and ?

Strand on Mars Probes Michael Vick

Videos from 2007

Michael Dwayne Vick (born June 26, 1980, in Newport News, Virginia) is a professional American football quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles of the National Football League. He previously played for the Atlanta Falcons for six seasons before serving 18 months in prison for his involvement in an illegal dog fighting ring.

In April 2007, Vick was implicated in an extensive and unlawful interstate dog fighting ring that had operated over a period of five years. In August 2007, he pled guilty to federal felony charges, and was subsequently sent to prison for 23 months. With loss of his NFL salary and product endorsement deals, combined with previous financial mismanagement, Vick filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in July 2008.

Vick was transferred from prison to home confinement in May 2009. Falcons owner Arthur Blank did not want Vick on the Falcons, and after attempts to trade him failed, Vick was released. He then signed with the Philadelphia Eagles, and will be fully reinstated and eligible to play in Week 3 of the 2009 season

just six remain!

With the least votes against her it looks like Rachel Ray will be returning to Earth. She has been granted the 4th spot on the return shuttle. Rachel somehow turned things around, because for awhile last week she was leading with the most votes. But she worked it out this week, so we'll be seeing more of her talk show, her 30 minute meals and the other half dozen Food Network shows she does, plus pitches for her cookbooks, cookware, dog food etc. etc. etc.

So with her notebook of new recipes and catch phrases, Rachel packed up and headed off to her sleep pod on the rescue ship. There, she'll remain in stasis until all 9 pods are occupied, leaving 1 sole cast off marooned on the red planet for eternity. With Rachel gone, the realization that they all have a 1 in 6 chance of being stranded on Mars has begun to sink in.

Glenn Beck has started to make tear filled pleas for rescue, vowing that he's changed his ways, claiming he's only been acting like an ignorant jackass for ratings. Ann Coulter is disgusted by his behavior and remarked that he needs to 'find his balls'.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, is really stunned that she's still here. She's been trying to contact former President Bush for help, but has been unable to reach him.

Dr. Phil is distracting himself by concentrating on everyone else's behavior, especially Elisabeth and Glenn, who need to "take responsibility and make the best of the situation."

Michael Vick, has been on the com link to his lawyers, cussing them out and threatening to release the hounds.

Well...it's down to Round 5! Cast your vote for who of the last 6 you'd most like to 'Strand on Mars'.

Sandstorm subsides

The 5 day sandstorm that has engulfed the MarsBase, is letting up. Communication with the base should resume by tomorrow morning, just in time to relay the results of round 4 and give one of the cast offs the good news that they'll be given a second chance on Earth.

Strand on Mars Probes Miley Cyrus

Miley Ray Cyrus (born Destiny Hope Cyrus; November 23, 1992) is an American recording artist and actress. Cyrus is best known for starring as the title character in the Disney Channel series Hannah Montana. Following the success of Hannah Montana, in October 2006, a soundtrack CD was released in which she sang eight songs from the show. Cyrus' solo music career began with the release of her debut album, Meet Miley Cyrus on June 23, 2007, which included her first top ten single "See You Again". Her second album, Breakout, was released on July 22, 2008. Breakout is Cyrus' first album that does not involve the Hannah Montana franchise. Both albums debuted at #1 on the Billboard 200. In 2008, she appeared in the Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert film.

Cyrus also starred in Bolt in 2008, and recorded "I Thought I Lost You" for the soundtrack for which she earned a Golden Globe nomination. She starred in the film spin-off of Hannah Montana, titled Hannah Montana: The Movie which was released on April 10, 2009. In 2008, Cyrus was listed in Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People in The World. Forbes magazine ranked her #35 on the "Celebrity 100" list with earnings of $25 million in 2008.

...down to seven.

This week it wasn't even close. With far fewer votes cast against him than any of the other 8 cast-offs, virginity challenged teen pop idol, Joe Jonas is rewarded with a ticket on the ship back to Earth. Only 6.7% of voters wished to strand Joe on Mars, while the next lowest vote getter had 33.3%. Joe packed his things and said his good-byes giving big hugs to Rachel Ray, and Miley Cyrus.

Here's what 93.7% of voters felt the Earth couldn't do without.

With Levi Johnston, and Joe Jonas (who just turned 20 last month), now gone, Miley Cyrus remains as the only young 'un whose fate is yet to be determined. She's up against the seditious Glenn Beck, the vile tongued Ann Coulter, convicted dog fight runner Michael Vick, Republican mouthpiece Elisabeth Hasslebeck, the everywhere-you-look-it's Rachel Ray, and diet advising, psycho-counseling, celebrity meddling Dr. Phil.

Now cast your votes in Round 4 for who to 'Strand on Mars' - This week you can only vote for up to 3.

Strand on Mars Probes Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil on Britney Spears

Phillip Calvin McGraw (born September 1, 1950), best known as Dr. Phil, is an American television personality, author, and former psychologist, currently the host of his own television show, Dr. Phil, which debuted in 2002. McGraw first gained celebrity status with appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show in the late 1990s.

In 1990, McGraw joined lawyer Gary Dobbs in co-founding Courtroom Sciences Inc. (CSI), a trial consulting firm through which McGraw later came into contact with Oprah Winfrey. Eventually, CSI became a profitable enterprise, advising Fortune 500 companies and injured plaintiffs alike in achieving settlements. McGraw is no longer an officer or director of the company.

After starting CSI, McGraw ceased the practice of Psychology. He maintained his license current and in good standing until he elected to retire it 15 years later in 2006. Appearing on the Today Show in January 2008, McGraw said that he has made it "very clear" that his current work does not involve the practice of psychology. He also said that he had "retired from psychology." According to the Today Show, the California Board of Psychology determined in 2002 that he did not require a license because his show involves "entertainment," rather than psychology. (Source - Wikipedia.com)

...eight remain.

It may be a slightly surprising result to some, but Alaska's most famous baby-daddy has been given a second chance on Earth. Levi Johnston received the least votes, earning his space on the return shuttle. Some expected Joe Jonas, Rachel Ray, or even Miley Cyrus would be 'saved' before Levi. But apparently being outcast by the Palin clan earned him a soft spot in the hearts of the voters. Or all the gay guys who voted think he is too hot to strand on Mars.

After a moment of disbelief, Levi said, "Cool." He did his handshakes and fistbumps and packed his stuff.

That means Round 3 is here and it's time to vote for the remaining 8 personalities that you'd like to Strand on Mars. Cast your vote for your top 4 in the sidebar poll.

Stranded Update 09.02.09

Now that the cast offs are into there 2nd week, the reality of being marooned on Mars seems to be sinking in and the atmosphere at the base is much more subdued. Glenn is not crying as much, and though he tries to ingratiate himself with the rest of the lot, they do their best to avoid him. He's often stuck playing cards with Ann Coulter.

Elisabeth and Rachel have been trying to cheer up Miley, who has broke down several times since Reese left. She 's stressed and weeping over the fact that she wasn't the first to be saved, "I don't understand, everybody loves me!!! Waaaaahhh!" Dr. Phil has tried talkin' sense into her too, but to no avail.

Joe and Levi are back on better terms, and occasionally challenge Michael and Dr. Phil to play some Wii games.

They all seem to be trying to distract themselves knowing tomorrow is the end of Round 2. One more will be saved, but the rest will remain.

Challenge 2: Mars Quiz

In this challenge the cast offs were asked to write down answers to a series of questions regarding Mars. The cast offs revealed their answers at the same time. A wrong answer resulted in elimination. Play proceeded until we got down to the last player. It only took 5 questions.
Here's how it played out.

Question 1: Counting out from the Sun, Where does Mars rank numerically among the planets?
Dr. Phil: four
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: fourth
Glenn Beck: 4
Rachel Ray: fourth
Levi Johnston: 4
Ann Coulter: 4
Michael Vick: 4
Miley Cyrus: number 1! Mars Rocks! (ELIMINATED)
Joe Jonas: 4

Question 2: Mars is commonly referred to as the "______ " Planet.
Dr. Phil: red
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: red
Glenn Beck: cold (ELIMINATED)
Rachel Ray: red
Levi Johnston: Marshan (ELIMINATED)
Ann Coulter: red
Michael Vick: dead (ELIMINATED)
Joe Jonas: red

Question 3: How many moons does Mars have?
Dr. Phil: 2
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: two
Rachel Ray: 2
Ann Coulter: 1 (ELIMINATED)
Joe Jonas: 2

Question 4: What is the name of the Roman God of War?
Dr. Phil: Ares (ELIMINATED - Ares is the Greek god of War)
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Mars
Rachel Ray: Mars
Joe Jonas: Thor? (ELIMINATED)

Question 5: How many Earth days long is a Martian year? Who ever is closest wins.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: 567
Rachel Ray: 600

The correct answer was 687...Rachel Ray won the challenge! And as winner Rachel had to select which of her fellow cast offs would be restricted to a whole week of nothing but freeze dried food packets to eat. After a little hemming and hawing, she chose Michael Vick.

Strand on Mars Probes Levi Johnston

Levi Johnston (born 1990) is an American teenager who was the subject of extensive media scrutiny during and after the 2008 United States presidential election. He was then the fiancé and the father of the child of Bristol Palin, whose mother is the former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, who was the Republican vice-presidential nominee. A few months following the election and the birth of his son, Johnston and Palin ended their engagement, and Johnston has publicly feuded with the Palin family.

Johnston attended Wasilla High School, where he played hockey. An Associated Press article after the 2008 Republican convention portrayed Johnston as a tall and muscular "heartthrob" and avid hunter, who has hunted bears, sheep, elk, and caribou, and who has "antlers scattered about his yard."

Johnston and comedian Kathy Griffin attended the 2009 Teen Choice Awards together. The next day Johnston appeared on CNN's Larry King Live in which Griffin was guest-hosting. During the interview Griffin made numerous references to their relationship, and announced that he will remove the wedding ring tattoo bearing Bristol Palin's name. The interview was in sharp contrast to a June 16, 2009 Larry King Live show in which both Griffin and Johnston appeared on the show. At the time, Griffin complained that Johnston was taking up her time on the show and she mocked him for not being able to spell his own name.

...and then there were nine

With the fewest votes against her in round 1, Reese Witherspoon is our first cast-off granted a reprieve. While Miss Witherspoon may be fingernails on a chalkboard to some, she apparently doesn't rub enough people the wrong way.

Reese packed her bag, said her goodbyes and headed off to occupy one of the nine sleep chambers on the return shuttle.

It's Round Two! Now we're down to nine. It's time to vote! Select 4 of the remaining cast-offs that you'd most like to 'Strand on Mars'!

Stranded Update: 08.25.09

Another shouting match erupted between Reese and Ann in the mess hall during Monday nights dinner. Questions of authenticity and gender were tossed around. However no punches were thrown, much to the chagrin of a few of the other cast-offs. Dr. Phil did manage to separate the two and calm things down a bit, mostly by Ann turning her attacks on him.

Tempers also flared between Rachel Ray and Michael Vick when Levi brought up the topic of hunting, which led to the subject of animal abuse. Elisabeth backed up Rachel and said some very 'liberal' things about animal treatment. She seems to be distancing herself from the radical conservatives in the group (Ann and Glenn) which has left her having to think for herself.

Even though Elisabeth sided with Rachel, Rachel is getting on just about every one's nerves (except Reese) with her new catch word, 'mars-velous', which by the way she is hoping to trademark.

Later, Joe Jonas surprised Miley Cyrus with a homemade cupcake to celebrate her song 'Party in the U.S.A.' being #1 on iTunes.

With the first vote results coming in a couple days it's no wonder the tension is mounting.

Find out Thursday who of the 10 cast-offs gets a seat on the shuttle home. Then cast your votes for which of the 9 remaining you wish to 'Strand on Mars'.

Stranded Update: 08.23.09

Ann Coulter was set loose after her 24 hour punishment in the EVA suit invoked by 'Face on Mars' Challenge winner Joe Jonas. In no time she tore into Reese 'liberal Hollywood' Witherspoon when Reese, tired of Ann's constant snarky remarks, asked Coulter why she was 'so G.D. mean." Meanwhile Michael Vick tried to coax Dr. Phil and Glenn Beck into making a wager on what he foresees as an impending cat fight between the two.

Levi seems to be trying to put some distance between himself and Joe after Joe's attempted fashion make over of Levi. Joe gave him some of his clothes to try on, but Levi got tense when he he realized they were both now standing in their undies talking about fashion. Levi quickly got dressed and started talking about moose hunting.

Miley has now been able to snuggle up closer to Levi, but doesn't know what to make of the distant glares now going on between him and Joe. She and new bff Elisabeth have been having late night discussions about it while they braid each others hair.

Joe now spends most of his time with Rachel Ray in the Marsbase kitchen, rustling up her latest concoctions, Martianmellows, Mars-ka-bobs, and Veggie Marsangna...Yummo!

Face on Mars Challenge Results.

After just over an hour of stumbling around the rocky terrain in their awkward EVA suits the mask was found by Joe Jonas, winning the 'Face on Mars' Challenge.

Even before they got back to base, the other cast offs were already trying to persuade Joe about who he should condemn to spending 24 hours inside their EVA suit. Joe's clique of Reese, Rachel, and tag-along Michael Vick seem to be urging him to pick Ann Coulter, who Rachel describes and 'Bitcho!'

Dr. Phil chimed in, suggesting Ann as well, just to give the group a break from her negative energy. He also suggested pal Glenn Beck, who he referred to as a 'wet blanket on a cold night'. In inadvertently, Dr. Phil had his comm link on broadcast, and that comment went out to everyone instead of just Joe.

Which made Elisabeth suggest he punish Dr. Phil for turning on Glenn.

Miley and Levi stayed out of things and kept to themselves, (nudge nudge wink wink) even sharing their freeze dried Salisbury steak with each other.

After dinner, Joe made his decision, and Ann Coulter is spending 24 hours in her EVA suit.

'Strand on Mars' Intro/Theme

Face on Mars Challenge

Today the castaways face their first challenge, 'Face on Mars'. Each person will don their EVA suit and head out into the Martian landscape. They will be looking for a mask, or 'face', that has been placed somewhere outside the S.O.M. Base module. The person who finds it wins the challenge.

And because this is 'Strand on Mars', instead of getting a real reward, the winner will choose who receives the punishment.

The winner chooses which other castaway has to spend the next 24 hours in their EVA suit. It's bulky and uncomfortable.

The S.O.M. Base

Here's the Strand on Mars (S.O.M.) Base, the castaway's home away from home while they are marooned. And for one unlucky celeb, their new permanent residence.

Stranded Update 08.20.09

As the cast offs...er castaways begin their exile the reality of the situation is starting to sink in.

Glenn Beck is curled up cradled in Elisabeth Hasselbecks arms while she sings 'God Bless America' as a lullaby in his ear. All the while Dr. Phil tells him, "You have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines--use your life and get back into the game."

Reese's perky attitude is obviously grating on Ann Coulter who looks to be already sporting a five o'clock shadow.

The younger set, of Miley, Joe and Levi seem to be sticking together, but Joe Jonas keeps trying to get Levi alone and muttering something about 'bro's before ho's dude.'

Rachel has already come up with 12 recipes using dehydrated corned beef, while Michael Vick keeps asking her about Isaboo, Rachels dog. "Rach, ya think she could pull twice her weight, even if she had a broken leg?"

Series One: Round One

Our 10 castaways have been marooned on Mars. A shuttle has been dispatched to retrieve them. But there is only enough space for 9 on board. Who deserves to come back and who do you want to Strand on Mars?

It's up to you. And it may be a tough decision. Some of these folks are obnoxious and irritating, some are over exposed, and others are rather despicable.

Vote for the people least deserving of a spot on the return trip. Come back each week and vote from the remaining castaways, until we decide who we will Strand on Mars!

Now let's meet our Series One castaways:

1. Ann Coulter, the radical right-wing commentator and shock jock let's the bile flow for attention. Along with inferring John Edwards is a 'faggot', Ann has said, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Are we better off if she stayed on Mars?



2. Miley Cyrus, a.k.a Hannah Montana is the child star daughter of Achey Breaky Billy Ray Cyrus. The ubiquitous 'tween star is now the ubiquitous teen star. Yes, Smiley Miley, and her Disney pop music, is everywhere! Should Mars be her next domain?



3. Levi Johnston, the baby daddy of Bristol Palin's child (apparently Grandma Sarah's minimalist approach to sex education -'Don't do it' is not very effective) has flown the Wasilla coop and is looking for a reality TV career. Is that something we should let loose on the world or are his 15 minutes up?



4. Michael Vick, the former Falcons quarterback has returned to his football career after serving 18 months for involvement in a dog fighting ring. Vick pled guilty and admitted to conduct that was "not only illegal, but also cruel and reprehensible". Instead of a job with the Philadelphia Eagles, is Mars a more deserving fate?



5. Glenn Beck, is yet another radical right winger. This FoxNews commentator is known for his crying antics and hypocrisy. Recently, Beck ranted on about how the US health care system was the best in the world and doesn't need fixing. While at CNN, just 18 months earlier Beck spoke from his own experience with the US health care system and was very critical of it. He also accused our mixed race President of being racist. Perhaps his tears will be the much sought after water on Mars.


6. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the Republican voice on ABC's The View, seems to just repeat the slant and 'facts' from FoxNews and not so much her own original opinions. She recently was accused of plagiarizing a book about cilliacs disease, allegedly again repeating someone else's words. She survived Survivor Outback, could she survive the red planet?



7. Dr. Phil McGraw, the spawn of Oprah Winfrey has been spouting his hill-billified psycho-analytics on his own show as well as adding his two cents about the octo-mom or who ever is currently in the news. Let's not forget he's also the author of a fitness book. Is there anyone on Earth who hasn't had their fill of Dr. Phil?



8. Joe Jonas, it wouldn't be right to strand all of the Jonas brothers, so how about just Joe? After all he looks the least like the other two. Had enough of their music, TV shows, concert movie, purity rings? How 'bout we break up this trio for good?




9. Reese Witherspoon just gets under some people's skin with her perfect and perky attitude. Bad enough she wrangled cutie pahtootie Ryan Phillipe into marrying her, then she wins an Oscar and kicks him to the curb. How 'bout a dose of real loneliness on Mars, and save us from another Legally Blonde movie.



10. Rachel Ray is evvvvvvvvvverywhere! She has a half dozen shows on the Food Network, her own syndicated talk show, and is in what seems like every other commercial. Plus you walk into a store and there are her cook books, cookware, dog food etc. Is it time to take her out of the equation and give someone else a chance?


Well there they are folks our Martian castaways. Place your vote in the side bar for who you'd like to Strand on Mars! This week vote for up to four. And don't forget to comeback and see who got saved, and whose fate is still in your hands. Results and next voting round begins Thursday August 27.