Series One Finalé Results!

Yes, the people have voted and decided Glenn Beck is who they want to 'Strand on Mars'. It was a bit of an upset, since Glenn had never received the most votes in any other round. In Round 2 he was even as far back as 4th place and just a couple weeks ago he had 28% fewer votes than leader Ann Coulter.

Because of Glenn's delicate nature, the rescue crew escorted Michael Vick, and Ann Coulter out of the base quietly in the middle of the night. When Glenn awoke he was informed by radio that he was alone, left behind on Mars. He began sobbing and clawing at the airlock door. He pleaded into the camera for another chance saying "he doesn't believe any of that stuff has says on his show; that all the seditious stuff comes from News Corp higher ups." While he babbled on, the rescue shuttle departed with his former fellow castaways: Reese Witherspoon, Levi Johnston, Joe Jonas, Rachel Ray, Miley Cyrus, Dr. Phil, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Michael Vick and Ann Coulter.

Some wonder whose punishment is worse Glenn Becks or the rest of us who will have to endure the returning cast offs.

The Final Four

Dr. Phil manages to just squeak by and earn himself a place on the flight back home. The world will not have to do without his wisdom and advice. This leaves fake crying charlatan Glenn Beck, Bush loving FOXNews puppet Elisabeth Hasselbeck, dog killer Michael Vick and purveyor of hate for attention Ann Coulter as the final four.
There are only 3 spaces left on the shuttle home, it's up to you to decide (even if reluctantly) who is deserving of a second chance on Earth and who to 'Strand on Mars'.
VOTE NOW --->

the final 5!

It's true, Hannah Montana is safe. Yes, I know, it's a disappointment to many but the world will not be saved from Miley Cyrus just yet. Only 10% of the voters picked Miley to be permanently marooned on Mars. Miley erupted with tears of joy and wails of "Daddy, Daddy your Miley is coming home!" then she sharply turned to Elisabeth and said, "in yo' face Hasselbeck!".

Cyrus, packed her belongings amid the trash, (the place has become a pig sty since Rachel Ray left) and headed off to her reward, a sleep pod in the rescue ship.

Only 5 are left! It's getting harder and harder to find redeeming qualities among those who remain and now you can only vote for 2 people you'd like to 'Strand on Mars'. Time to vote in round 6!

Here's the run down of who has been saved so far:
Round 1: Reese Witherspoon
Round 2: Levi Johnston
Round 3: Joe Jonas
Round 4: Rachel Ray
Round 5: Miley Cyrus
Round 6: ?
Round 7: ?
Final Round: ? and ?

just six remain!

With the least votes against her it looks like Rachel Ray will be returning to Earth. She has been granted the 4th spot on the return shuttle. Rachel somehow turned things around, because for awhile last week she was leading with the most votes. But she worked it out this week, so we'll be seeing more of her talk show, her 30 minute meals and the other half dozen Food Network shows she does, plus pitches for her cookbooks, cookware, dog food etc. etc. etc.

So with her notebook of new recipes and catch phrases, Rachel packed up and headed off to her sleep pod on the rescue ship. There, she'll remain in stasis until all 9 pods are occupied, leaving 1 sole cast off marooned on the red planet for eternity. With Rachel gone, the realization that they all have a 1 in 6 chance of being stranded on Mars has begun to sink in.

Glenn Beck has started to make tear filled pleas for rescue, vowing that he's changed his ways, claiming he's only been acting like an ignorant jackass for ratings. Ann Coulter is disgusted by his behavior and remarked that he needs to 'find his balls'.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, is really stunned that she's still here. She's been trying to contact former President Bush for help, but has been unable to reach him.

Dr. Phil is distracting himself by concentrating on everyone else's behavior, especially Elisabeth and Glenn, who need to "take responsibility and make the best of the situation."

Michael Vick, has been on the com link to his lawyers, cussing them out and threatening to release the hounds.

Well...it's down to Round 5! Cast your vote for who of the last 6 you'd most like to 'Strand on Mars'.

...down to seven.

This week it wasn't even close. With far fewer votes cast against him than any of the other 8 cast-offs, virginity challenged teen pop idol, Joe Jonas is rewarded with a ticket on the ship back to Earth. Only 6.7% of voters wished to strand Joe on Mars, while the next lowest vote getter had 33.3%. Joe packed his things and said his good-byes giving big hugs to Rachel Ray, and Miley Cyrus.

Here's what 93.7% of voters felt the Earth couldn't do without.

With Levi Johnston, and Joe Jonas (who just turned 20 last month), now gone, Miley Cyrus remains as the only young 'un whose fate is yet to be determined. She's up against the seditious Glenn Beck, the vile tongued Ann Coulter, convicted dog fight runner Michael Vick, Republican mouthpiece Elisabeth Hasslebeck, the everywhere-you-look-it's Rachel Ray, and diet advising, psycho-counseling, celebrity meddling Dr. Phil.

Now cast your votes in Round 4 for who to 'Strand on Mars' - This week you can only vote for up to 3.

...eight remain.

It may be a slightly surprising result to some, but Alaska's most famous baby-daddy has been given a second chance on Earth. Levi Johnston received the least votes, earning his space on the return shuttle. Some expected Joe Jonas, Rachel Ray, or even Miley Cyrus would be 'saved' before Levi. But apparently being outcast by the Palin clan earned him a soft spot in the hearts of the voters. Or all the gay guys who voted think he is too hot to strand on Mars.

After a moment of disbelief, Levi said, "Cool." He did his handshakes and fistbumps and packed his stuff.

That means Round 3 is here and it's time to vote for the remaining 8 personalities that you'd like to Strand on Mars. Cast your vote for your top 4 in the sidebar poll.

...and then there were nine

With the fewest votes against her in round 1, Reese Witherspoon is our first cast-off granted a reprieve. While Miss Witherspoon may be fingernails on a chalkboard to some, she apparently doesn't rub enough people the wrong way.

Reese packed her bag, said her goodbyes and headed off to occupy one of the nine sleep chambers on the return shuttle.

It's Round Two! Now we're down to nine. It's time to vote! Select 4 of the remaining cast-offs that you'd most like to 'Strand on Mars'!